Blame
here is apportioned to Mortimer and Craig Peterson whose 'tails never fails'
maxim probably proved our undoing. It is well known that the Peterson males have
made in-depth research into the probability of Her Majesty's noggin coming down
less often than the leek, or the portcullis...or whatever tails is these days.
In a six thousand page report, paid for with Government money and published just
last week, they posited just such a theory...they were wrong. Will Wrathwell
said that Ivanhoe were probably using a two-sided coin...Will is a fool. The
shock of Dave's volte face unnerved the team immediately and undoubtedly caused
what followed.In a field you could land 747's in, and on a wicket more angular than a hypotenuse, Paul Savage and Andy Spink went to mow. Christie opened from the Linford end and Patel the other. It was at this point that the re-enactment society turned rehearsal into performance. The parts of the batsmen that were out for nought were played by Tim Kaye, Joel Newell and Duncan Mallard (who really should know better than to go for a duck of any kind let alone a golden one). Tim's sphere of influence obviously does not extend to the other side of the M1. 'This ain't my manor' he said. 'I got no influence, it ain't my patch I tell yer. Over here 'Killer' Kaye means nuffink.' Kaye was caught behind off the glove. Joel played several classy looking defensive strokes (for a baseball player) before taking one on the foot and going lbw. Apparently he didn't know you could be out that way. Jim Rainey now faces a lengthy court battle for 'emotional distress.' Jim was heard to mutter 'In a pig's arse' which probably negates all legal argument. Mallard was just dire lobbing one up to short mid on...who would have dropped it had he been a gentleman (but then we were in Hertfordshire).
Of those that got runs ' Spanker' Spink got a handful before going cheaply, 'Jumping' Jim Rainey chipped in with slightly less, and Wrathwell (on whom so much depended) skied one to mid off, failed to cross and thus brought in the Mallard which nearly precipitated a hat-trick only narrowly avoided by a rapid whip-round and a bung being delivered in a plain brown envelope to the bowler. The Peterson brothers weighed in with some classy shots, Craig in particular earning praise from the smug git that took 5 for 18. Kaye is expected to 'deal with him' should he ever stray into the Ealing area. The entire proceedings were watched with amusement that turned to horror by opener Paul Savage who witnessed almost his entire team succumb to what was at best a moderate attack. (Mother Theresa and Thora Hird would have prospered on that wicket) Savage anchored the innings and it was his 13 in partnership with a Monsieur Xavier Tra (25 not out) that hauled the score towards anywhere near respectability...by which I mean 63.
Wrathwell and Scott Peterson opened the attack. Unfortunately they managed to take no wickets. They opted for containment, Unfortunately they went for a little more than six an over. It was done and dusted within 11. And just for the record Tim took no catches this week.
Then the real game started. Opting for a ten over thrash (the best decision Mortimer made all day) Ivanhoe posted 90 losing wickets to Peterson (who bowled a straight one that straightened on pitching and then got straighter and went straight through middle stump) and Spink who deflected the ball to Mallard who threw down the stumps from a full four yards. The Hill chased. Joel, almost timed out but at least fully conversant with the lbw law, was bowled...what a lesson in cricket the boy is having. Next week we expect him to be 'out, handled the ball' and 'out, hit the ball twice' the week after.