Ley Hill Third XI -v- Penn Street
or
The Quiet American
Duncan Mallard
An interesting one this. With the opposition dropping out, 'Uncle' Ian Walter
(still 50 by the way despite being hit in the box) pulled a fixture out of the
hat against a 'middle to weak team.' Which turned out to be the same bunch that
gave us such a whopping the week before. Ah well, "c'est la vie" as they say in
Hawridge and Cholesbury. Add to that the fact that the First and Second sides
had cherry-picked several Thirds players ('Uncle' Walts, 'Hit Man' Hitesh and
'Magic' McCarthy included), things weren't looking too good for The Glorious
Thirds. Still, the weather was good and there was a bunch of colts eager to step
up to the plate; young Oliver 'Kahn' as 'keeper, Craig 'line and length'
Peterson and Sam 'Whirlybird' Harrison as all rounders. And with young Talib
Hussain as a strike bowler we thought we might have a sniff of a win...or a
draw...or at least less of a thrashing than last time. 'Plus ca change, plus
c'est la meme chose...' as they say in Bovingdon.
But we'd reckoned without the morale-sapping antics of our resident G.I. as
'Billy' Joel Newell started a tirade first about the pitch, (which has produced
some very nice Maris Pipers over the years), the wicket, (recently twinned with
the rough at St. Andrews) and Paul Green (who gave Joel out LBW). Unfortunately,
since it wasn't a televised match we didn't have the benefit of replays. Joel
swears blind he was outside the line of leg stump. Actually Joel swears like a
docker, his English education is complete. He also vigorously knocked in his bat
all afternoon making all and sundry feel as if a 6ft woodpecker had been let
loose. God help the kids whose homework he was marking.
Joel aside, and it's a big aside, the match went according to form. In fact, you
could have taken the previous week's scorebook and just changed a few names.
Penn St. batted a tad more obdurately losing only two wickets this time. Paul
Green removed one opener who sent a scud to Mallard at point. And Big Nige held
one at mid on to give Craig Peterson a wicket. Talib bowled beautifully early on
for no reward but has definite ability...not a lifetime Thirds player then. Nos.
3 and 4 then accumulated runs slowly before the expected slog fest of the last
few overs. Instead of holding them to around 150 runs, we suddenly found
ourselves facing a total of 238. Cue much scratching of chins and muttering.
"Didn't we just bowl and field really tightly?" Merde, as they say in Ley Hill.
Mention must go to wicketkeeper Ollie who dived around like a maniac, taking leg
side balls with ease and making a mockery of some tricky bounces. Sam Harrison
bowled tight, Terry Rothwell was unlucky to be smeared all over the field.
After a delightful tea al fresco, the Hill went to bat. Cue Joel's histrionics
and an LBW for 'Lucky' Terry, who's moniker should now be changed by deed poll.
Batsmen came and went including young Richard, and Mallard who top-scored with
27...this tells you much about the Hill's batting performance. Runs were then
shared around with Harvey atoning for a duck the previous week and Tim Kaye with
his usual flashing blade. Craig stayed long at the crease and Ollie and Sam were
also useful but it was a cameo 16 by Big Nige that wagged the tail briefly,
including a towering six into the neighbouring field. The actors left the stage,
the curtain dropped, the rest was silence.
Except for Joel cursing the LBW law.
Man of the Match: Young Ollie for a wicket-keeping performance "par
excellence" as they say in Flaunden.
Clown of the Match: Joel Newell. A 'Prima Donna' as the say in the Royal
Opera House.
Penn
Street: 239 for 2
Ley Hill: 130 all out (Mallard 27, Terry Rothwell 20)
Penn Street won by 109 runs