Phoenix Old Boys Tournament on Saturday 2 June 2007 

I make no apologies for the length of this report; please read on ………….. 

Another Saturday, another momentous day in the history of Ley Hill’s 3^rd XI…our first ever competitive (ie ‘non-friendly’) event. Fixture Secretary Tom Holman had somehow managed to negotiate Ley Hill an invitation to the prestigious annual Phoenix Old Boys 11 a side tournament, which as every devout fan of Wisden’s Cricketers’ Almanack knows, ranks second only to the World Cup. It doesn’t come much bigger than this. 

To mark the occasion, all the team’s legends had miraculously made themselves available for this one and the rules of the competition allowed us to take a ‘squad’ (football terminology apparently) of 12 players. As many will be aware, it is normally a devil of a job to find 11, but such is the pull of this tournament, although disappointingly Steve Bell had managed to book theatre tickets on the big day and was thus unavailable.  

Given that the 12 had a combined age calculated by Dave Peterson of 567, arguably we needed a far bigger squad than that on what turned out to be a boiling hot sun-drenched day. Excluding Harvey Mash, the average age was 50, with only Harvey, Sam Martin, Leigh Dale and Hitesh Parmar younger than 50, albeit in each case by some considerable margin thank goodness.  

The game also marked the anticipated come back, following much press speculation, of 75 year old ‘keeper Jim Rainey, who retired most recently on 3 September 2006 and when last at Phoenix almost succumbed to pneumonia! The Slough public were out in force for Jim’s return. 

An incredibly early meet time of 11.10 sounded almost professional, and obviously confused Harvey, but eventually in dribs and drabs (some things never change) we set off for Phoenix’s ground at Farnham Royal to discover that the competition had already started! First on (thank goodness) were Phoenix themselves against Farnham Common, with Hill scheduled to play in the next two games in the heat of the day against Thorpe and Phoenix. Not a good draw given both the temperature and an almost complete lack of shade. Fortunately however many of the squad’s carers had seen them off fully equipped with sun hats and sun cream so we were well prepared. Only (inevitably) Dave Peterson couldn’t resist the temptation to strip off and show off what remained of his April ‘all-over’ Tenerife tan. 

A concerning notable omission from the day’s schedule was ‘lunch’ which as it transpired was ultimately taken after Hill’s second game at about 5.15, by which time some of the boys in the squad were slightly ‘ga ga’ from the absence of something to take with their tablets. 

So Hill set out to take on Thorpe, possible the hairiest team any of us had ever encountered, absolutely starving! After winning the toss and with Dave Mortimer kindly volunteering to stand down for this one, Hill amazingly chose to bat first and in their 10 eight ball overs amassed an unprecedented score of 125 for 3!! (I think, … Eleanor has the score book). This was largely centred around an electic innings of 61 from Leigh Dale which interspersed legside thumps for 6 with gentle offside prods as anything outside Leigh’s favoured zone was treated like a hand grenade. There were also very valuable contributions from Hitesh (with a few trade mark 6’s), Ian Peplow (looking remarkably sprightly) and Harvey. With a score over 100 a valuable batting bonus point was secured. 

In the field Hill opened up with the venom of Denis McCarthy and the wile of Terry Rothwell, but unfortunately Thorpe’s batsmen, some of whom (with due respect) would not have looked out of place at a Hell’s Angels convention, certainly had their ‘sat navs’ switched on and after 3 overs had already reduced the deficit by 52! We were however taking the odd wicket, and a remarkable run out by Terry Rothwell, breaking the wicket behind him without even looking, coupled with accurate bowling from Hitesh and Dave P meant that 23 were needed from Dave’s last over. The fielding meanwhile was superb throughout, with many members of the squad having the bruises on their shins to prove that they don’t bend down as well as they used to and can’t react as quickly either. In this respect Tim Kaye was repeatedly putting his body on the line like an international prop forward. 

In the game’s final twist, enter Thorpe’s equivalent of Jim Rainey who then struck a couple of huge sixes to put them in sight of victory but Dave kept his nerve and Thorpe finished 8 runs short on 117 for 4 and three further points were in the bag for a win. 

The bad news however was that we were on again immediately! At least we were batting first again after a negotiated toss with Phoenix’s very sporting captain, Eddie Stanborough, so blood pressures and heart rates were allowed for a short period to return to something approaching normal. 

Never mind a first aid kit, we needed a full team of paramedics on standby! Sensibly perhaps, and ever mindful of what Mary might say, this was the game in which Jim volunteered to be 12^th man. 

As it was already well into the afternoon and two-thirds of the tournament remained the rules were revised and the next round of games was 10 six ball overs with bonus point targets adjusted pro rata. Something told me that this was the key game.  

From the outset Phoenix’s bowlers were giving very little to hit and anything in the air went to hand and was held. Hill’s innings never really got going and was largely held together by Ian Peplow’s well grafted 21 and with only Tim Kaye to come the innings closed on 60 for 8. The champagne moment undoubtedly came in the last over when Dave Mortimer effortlessly leg glanced a ‘six’ over fine leg in true Viv Richards style with immaculate timing. How important that was to prove. 

So this was a was a tough ask; defending 60 in 10 overs against a side renowned for pushing things along. Skipper Walter, belatedly realising that much of his usual 3^rd team attack comprised absent juniors, decided to switch the ‘mature’ attack around and opened up with Hitesh and Dave P, the former taking 1 for 4 in 3 very tight overs, a match winning spell made all the more remarkable for Hitesh losing a contact lens during his first over! It seems that Hitesh is arguably a better bowler with one eye than two! At the other end Dave P was tucking in and dismissed three batsmen, all caught behind by Sam Martin pulling or hooking. The second of these catches Sam had to run a long way for before diving and holding on and even Jim had to concede that he might not have made it! Like buses, having kept wicket the four previous Saturdays without the sniff of a catch suddenly three came along for Sam at once. 

Just as Hill seemed to be getting the upper hand however Peterson was slugged for 14 from his last three balls and the match was back in the balance. Sensationally Denis and Terry took over the bowling duties and tightened the screw with Denis claiming three wickets (including a fourth catch for Sam and a trouser changing skier for Terry) and Terry claiming two in successive balls, both bowled. So Phoenix had stuttered to 46 for 9 with the pressure on and the last men in. 

At this point, in traditional Hill style, we decided to let our opponents back in and Denis inexplicably managed three consecutive wides followed by the most comical of missed run outs which also starred Messrs McCarthy and Rothwell in major roles. Somehow, with both batsmen stranded at the striker’s end and the ball in Denis’s hand, after lobbing it back Terry managed to do everything but take the bails off. 

But to be fair to Terry, he held his nerve in the last over with 9 wanted to win. After a boundary and a few frantic runs as Phoenix’s captain thought he’d perhaps brought the scores level Harvey calmly fielded on the mid-wicket boundary and delivered the ball over the stumps for Sam to run him out and give victory to Hill by 2 runs. Phew!!

This brought a further three points for the win and two more for bowling the opposition out. 

With adrenalin at breaking point at last it was time for a well-earned rest (and lunch/tea). We might even win this thing!! Where’s David Gower and Mark Nicholas? 

Hill then had to sit out the next two games as Farnham Common and Phoenix both beat Thorpe. As time wore on Denis had to admit that he had to be home for a dinner party (who for, the Queen??) and Jim and others were phoning loved ones in an attempt to stay out of the dog house and at the same time obtain passes for possible celebratory clubbing late on. This was going to be a long evening whatever the outcome! 

As the sun began to set the last two games were further reduced to six, six ball over encounters, and with Phoenix beating Thorpe they had nosed ahead of Hill with ten points against our nine.  

It was after seven thirty before the clash with Farnham Common began, and mindful of the very dodgy eyesight prevalent throughout the team Walter did not want to bat second in fading light. Fortunately the toss was won again and we opened up with Leigh and Ian. Leigh again managed a huge six before holeing out but Hitesh joined Ian to steer us to 56 for 1 in six overs, 23 of these coming in the last over courtesy of three huge hits from Hitesh, who by now had his eye in! The third of these brought about a further batting point, drawing us level with Phoenix and a shriek from Mortimer that we had won the competition regardless of this result because we had beaten Phoenix in our earlier head to head. But let’s do it in style. 

With McCarthy now back at home enjoying his hors d’ouevres and no doubt wondering how the lads were faring the bowling honours were left to Dave, Hitesh and Terry who again bowled straight and with the field set conservatively from the outset Farnham Common could manage no more than 35 for 3, a win for the Hill by the relatively comfortable margin of 21 runs and a further three points! 

So WE HAD WON the tournament!! Played three, won three and a hugely enjoyable day played throughout in the best of spirits by the four clubs involved.  

A presentation followed at which Leigh Dale picked up the day’s batting award, Stephen Day from Phoenix the bowling award, Phoenix the runners-up ‘medals’ and Hill the winners’ shield and ‘medals’. Fantastic, and in rapidly fading light a team photograph was hastily arranged on Dave P’s mobile phone, the papparazi having followed Denis home hours earlier. 

We then enjoyed a splendid barbecue and drinks, over which one by one we all confessed, even the hardened pros like Ian and Dave, that none of us had ever been in a cricket team that had won anything before. The best we could manage between us was a Blue Peter badge and a Crackerjack pencil. Remarkable. Not a dry eye in the house. 

As darkness fell the lads dragged themselves away, with Jim and Ian heading for the nightclub scene in Berkhamsted while Walter, Peterson, Martin and Parmar headed back to the club where a welcoming party of generous first and second eleven players and supporters were waiting, trophy cabinet unlocked. 

Thank you Phoenix for a great day that made many very old cricketers very happy. In all the excitement I seem to have left my trousers and shirt behind whilst my wife Ros brought us back to earth somewhat with ‘you won?! Doesn’t say much for the opposition!’  

Never mind, it’s the taking part that counts …. Or is it!!

 

Let’s see what next week brings.