Ley Hill 3rds v Phoenix Old Boys on Saturday 11 June 

Undefeated since Phoenix last beat us on 23 June (courtesy of three rained off matches, two victories and a draw) we set off on Saturday for Farnham Royal, scene of our early-season spectacular trophy winning exploits, in good spirits. Not only that, but for the second week running the sun was shining! 

Inevitably at this time of year we had to resort to four juniors to bolster the team, two of whom (‘keeper Josh Wright and Jules Wallis) were making their senior debuts alongside 13 year olds Michael Morris and Alex Partington. The next youngest was 45 (going on 65) year old Ian Partington, with the rest of us the wrong side of 50 (Kaye, Mortimer, Peplow, McCarthy, Rothwell and yours truly). A bit of a motley crew therefore! 

Meanwhile, fortuitously, many of the opposition appeared to be suffering from hangovers after a humdinger of a stag night the previous evening, which would hopefully impact on their performance. 

Unbelievably yet another toss was one and, conscious of the heat, the Phoenix hangovers and our need to rely on Terry and Denis for much of the bowling, I decided to bat on what looked a more than reasonable wicket with a boundary (and the grass between it and the pitch) both noticeably shorter than we are accustomed to at the Bellingdon Oval. 

For I believe the first time this season we miraculously opened with the same pair as the previous week, and Terry and Alex set off at a reasonable pace before Terry holed out. Jules Wallis, accustomed to a much shorter form of cricket than this, soon followed in a red mist and then Ian ‘the rock’ Peplow entered the arena to partner Alex and take the score up to 60 odd. Just as we were all dozing off Alex unfortunately ran himself out when Mr Peplow refused to entertain his call, and Alex learned never to give up as the ‘keeper fumbled the ball before eventually taking the bails off while Alex sauntered half-heartedly back to his crease.  

Back in the pavilion meanwhile there was much excitement as the elastic had gone in Mortimer’s trousers and, with typical male efficiency, he announced he had left his new pair at home. The problem pair would now fit the Fridge, let alone David’s skeletal frame. Had anyone got any elastic?! I’m not sure what sort of running repair David managed using the contents of the Phoenix kitchen but his subsequent running between the wickets was certainly somewhat impaired! 

Peplow and Walter batted relatively serenely for a while before the skipper missed a straight one to be adjudged leg before for 20 but the runs continued to accumulate with sound contributions from Peplow (38), Mortimer (13) and Ian Partington (31) who hit the ball very hard and was delighted to score more than son Alex (19).  

It was left to Tim Kaye, Denis and Josh to get what they could from the last over or two and we ended on 180 for 9 at tea with three wickets falling at the death. A very respectable score for us, helped by a healthy extras count, and the Phoenix stag night survivors being completely dehydrated. But was it enough? If we hade been on the ‘sluggish’ Bellingdon outfield it would have been about 74! 

During a splendid tea we were reminded that unfortunately the soccer season had already kicked off as everyone it seemed (except of course any unfortunate Leeds United supporters) was keen to find what was happening to their beloved teams and Teletext was on in the corner of the lounge area.  

In our case some interesting favourite clubs emerged; Mortimer explained how he came to adopt Burnley as his first love, while Terry’s was Doncaster Rovers and, obscurely, Denis has a soft spot for a team called Arsenal. A Test Match was going on meanwhile and we had all forgotten about it.  

On the restart young Michael Morris and Terry both took their customary early wickets but Phoenix’s young opener (who none of us remembered ever seeing before and was obviously not on the stag night) was in ominous form. 

With the youngsters limited in their spells to only four overs, Terry and Denis had plenty of work to do and, given their combined age of 163, stuck wholeheartedly to the task, without much luck and with some dodgy fielding that suggested some of our lads had also been out with the stag. 

Mid-way through the innings a police helicopter mysteriously appeared and circled the ground a few times; was this something to do with the stag night or was it Steve Bell, cricketer of our parish and footballer of theirs, checking out progress whilst on duty? We shall never know, but it provided an interesting diversion as Phoenix piled on the runs. 

However, at reasonably regular intervals we still managed to take the odd wicket, with Terry (eventually removing the opener for 83), Alex (2) and the luckless Denis claiming them. With Phoenix needing only four to win skipper Walter turned to Jules Wallis for inspiration to replace the completely knackered McCarthy. No pressure…four wickets for three runs would do the trick. On the fourth ball Jules struck, with arguably Hill’s champagne moment of the game when the two debutant juniors combined as Josh claimed a superb stumping. Unfortuately though Phoenix spoiled the party next ball and an excellent game was lost by the respectable margin of only three wickets.