Ley Hill 3rds v London Marshes Select 14 July 2007  

With three of our previous four Saturday matches having either been rained off or abandoned for the same reason it almost felt like the start of the season again, except unlike the back end of April, everyone wanted to play and squeezing no less than 18 available players into 11 (excluding juniors!!) proved so difficult that eventually 12 of us set off for a game against London Marshes Select, at the distinctly unmarshy location of Southgate! 

In fact part of the outfield was at one end of Saracens’ original rugby pitch (their home before turning professional and moving to the less salubrious surroundings of Vicarage Road) and it was very strange playing a third eleven cricket match shadowed by an empty concrete stand that probably once catered for thousands of spectators at one end of the pitch!  

Fortunately our unusually named opponents, London Marshes Select (apparently an evolved acronym (?) somewhere along the lines from London Midland Scottish Railway) were also expecting 12 players so the new tactic worked, not least to Treasurer Jon Lown’s delight.   

On paper we had a strong bowling attack (by first eleven standards never mind third) so on winning the toss LMS were inserted. However before play even started we were treated to the day’s first culinary surprise which comprised an injection of energy from bowls of peanuts and jelly babies, the latter allegedly impregnated with Viagra, which certainly perked up some of the older members of the side, of which there were many! A nice touch though! 

After the first seven balls of their innings LMS were a healthy 18 for 0 as the guys digested hors’d’ouevres, largely due to a combination of Hitesh’s radar going wonky as he adjusted to bowling in specs, ‘keeper Jim Rainey glazing over due to a jelly baby overdose and some generous overthrows courtesy of Bell/Walter exuberance. 

Fortunately fit again thoroughbred Will Rothwell was on target and Hitesh was able to adjust his radar to dismiss both openers before the day’s first interruption…an invasion from a swarm of bees!! Where was bee-keeping Mrs P when you need her?! Fielders were sent scarpering to all corners as the natural phenomenon (which most of us had never seen before) noisily and alarmingly quickly passed over, and for once we escaped unscathed, even father and son Rothwell, both of whom are notoriously injury/accident prone. 

With the fielders unsettled by non-cricketing distractions inevitably a few catches were spilled before Walter eventually sensationally managed to hold on to one from their dangerous number 4 to give Will a deserved wicket and then old Pro Dave Peterson repeated Hitesh’s earlier feat of two wickets in an over. Suddenly the game was looking more manageable from Hill’s perspective.  

Then another interruption; this time a stoppage caused by an unfortunate passer-by suffering an epileptic attack which seemed to create more concern from both teams than her companions. Fortunately the lady recovered after a good rest and the break was as a good as a traditional drinks stoppage for bringing another wicket with a run out from a terrific direct hit from Hitesh who by now had adjusted to his new specs! At 67 for 6 we smelt blood. 

Ominously however I have learned over the years to beware of the athletic looking player sporting a University Cricket team logo or similar on his shirt and LMS’s man of this description was still in. 

It was about now that the local loony was spotted for the first time, dressed in a camouflage outfit and marching all around both our and the adjoining rugby pitches with what appeared to be a 0.22 rifle in his possession. Were we about to be submitted to a terrorist attack or was he their late-arriving 12^th player?  

His ‘weapon’ transpired to be an umbrella (I think) but with this and the other distractions of the bees, distressed passing ‘spectators’ not to mention the numerous shouts of ‘ows Zat’ or similar from the incessant Cockfosters Road traffic and the fading effects of the jelly babies it was little surprise that we somewhat lost our grip on things and allowed LMS to reach 155 for 9 in their 40 overs, with university man top-scoring of course. The remaining wickets had gone to Terry (courtesy of a good catch from ‘buckets’ (soon to become ‘hole in the bucket’) Mortimer, Denis (just reward for a fine spell at the end) and Hitesh, who finished with three. 

There then followed arguably the best tea of the season, although by now disappointingly the jelly babies had run out. Meanwhile, the loony continued his marching.  

So could we chase 156 for the first time in living memory? With a ‘Pieterson’ (sic) and a ‘Bell’ in the top three the virginal book was looking impressive. 

We had not however bargained for university man opening the attack and ‘pinch-hitting’ Dave Peterson was cleaned up second ball by, depending on your point of view, either the ball of the season or jelly baby withdrawal symptoms! This brought Steve Bell (‘fresh’ from a week of night shifts) to the wicket to join Sam Martin, and, after a shaky start when neither wanted to be at the end facing university man as they vied to run each other out they managed to put together a fine partnership, helped considerably by the other opening bowler who unfortunately was less LMS Railway and more Thomas the Tank as the wide count mounted. By now a gibbering Dave P had started marching round the field with what looked like a cricket bat apparently shouting ‘who pinched all the jelly babies’?! 

Meanwhile, remarkably Sam and Steve took the score to 88 before another wicket fell, after which we managed to avoid a traditional collapse and, having seen off university man the guys sensibly knocked the runs off with five wickets to spare. Sam ‘jug avoided’ to score 46, and there were knocks of 20 or thereabouts from Steve, Will and Hitesh, in addition to a notable 41 extras, which certainly helped!  

Thanks to those guys (me, Dave P (in full camouflage kit), Tim Kaye and Terry) who all fielded for the opposition as their 12 never materialised and in fact turned to 10 between innings! 

Well done guys; as ever a thoroughly entertaining afternoon with a few surprises along the way, not least a jelly baby inspired win!