The Reluctant Captain

Chris Jones has long offered up the captaincy of the Seconds to a suitable successor. Yet this season he has shown true leadership in taking our second-string to second place in the league, and with it promotion to Division 2. In an exclusive interview for lhcc.org, we get inside the mind of the reluctant captain, and find out that he is anxious to deflect all praise onto his heroic players.

How does it feel to have sealed second spot in the Mid Bucks Division 3?

I find it rather difficult to verbalise the enormous joy felt by regular 2nd. team players having secured promotion from Mid Bucks Div. 3. However, the phrase "over the f****** moon" would probably be most appropriate.

How do you explain the turnaround in the side's fortunes, from struggling in recent seasons?

I think the side's fortunes were most significantly effected by the fact that we won more games than in previous years. This had the additional bonus of gaining more points and consequently a higher place in the league.

Obviously it is unfair to single out the stars of the side, but who do you think have been the stars of the side in 2003?

Singling out the stars of the side is strictly alien to Seconds philosophy. We do not go in for prima donnas. However, I must admit that everyone who has turned out on a Saturday afternoon has been a star, even if he has not played very well.

Have you been pleased with your own performance?

I was pleased with my own performance in one particular game. In other games I was pleased with the performances of others, both young and very old.

You haven't [as far as I recall!] been hit in the face by a ball all season - does this mark a change in your batting style?

I refuse to answer this question as I consider that it smacks of disrespect - in fact it is downright cheeky.

Presuming that the Seconds start next season in Division 2, how do you think we will do?

We will pack the side with ringers from Tim Kaye`s school and Ley Hill Primary school reception class and thrash all the other teams.

Are there any particular clubs and players you will be happy to leave behind?

Yes, that bunch of Antipodean bastards from Haddenham. You may mistakenly detect a hint of racism here. I unreservedly refute any such suggestion as I normally like Antipodean bastards.

What are the plans for the captaincy of the Seconds in 2004? Have you been grooming a successor?

I have absolutely no plans to be captain in 2004. I believe we need a new regime. A couple of blokes who know the rules would be a good start.

What steps do you think could be taken to improve the club, both on and off the pitch?

The club would improve by:
1. Having a weekly practice session for non-colts (seniors),
2. Serving decent draught beer in the bar,
3. Getting a decent telly with Sky Sports.


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