Tom:
What is it like to have notched up four ducks in a row?Humpo: Believe me, there is no crisis here, I know you guys need a story but there is quite simply not one here.
Do you feel you have been unlucky in your dismissals?
Absolutely. A combination of poor pitches, poor decisions and bad luck is the reason behind my current run. I still have no reasons to look at my flawless techniques with the willow or my superior powers of concentration.
Are you confident you can emerge from this bad patch?
Do bears go to the toilet in woods? With home games coming up and the thought of Langelbury thirds on the fixture card I am totally confident.
Do you think you would benefit from a few games in the thirds? Or would you rather give up cricket?
I think I would benefit with a game for Bucks county to really focus the mind and to face a quality attack, Alternatively a spell of opening for the Ley Hill Saturday 1sts. The 3rds and giving up the game are not on my mind at this stage.
You are one of seven batsmen in the club who has yet to get off the mark this season. 23 men are averaging in single figures. Do you think this highlights a weakness in Ley Hill's game?
Well you could claim that it highlights we have strength in depth and the bowlers are on top, But my theory is that summer life in a village culture is in full swing and the lure of fetes, Summer fairs, Family Bar-B-Q's and picnics is just too distracting for many members, they are in danger of going off the rails.
Despite your best efforts the twos are challenging for the title this year. What are our chances?
I think they are greater than they have been at any stage in the last 10 years and I am confident that we will finish on top of the pile. I put this down to aggressive captaincy, A total lack of respect for all opponents and match officials and the resurgence of Keith Richardson. That man could spin the ball on slate. I looked deeply into his eyes at Bucks on Saturday and you could tell that he is hungry for success.
They say that form is temporary but class is permanent. How does it feel to have neither?
All I have to say is that I am a proven run machine at all levels of village cricket and find that question - or is it a statement - somewhat offensive. I would also like to remind the questioner (left) of the proverb involving green houses and stones.
What do you think about people asking you daft questions for the website?
Just to mention that I am a serious and very focused business man who does not have time for this 'witch hunt' on my cricketing abilities, However I feel pressured into answering due to the fact that you tabloids types will just make up your own story anyway.