An Evening with Matthew Harman

Your lhcc.org editorial team recently spent an evening enjoying fine wines and finger foods with imposing Ley Hill chairman Matthew Harman. As the night drew on, and we talked over the club's fortunes, Harman turned to the whiskies - and became increasingly candid in his revelations.

Q. The last few seasons have been marked by stagnation in Divisions 1 and 3, despite us having some decent players. Why do you think this is, and how can we set things right?

A. I think that things will continue to improve once the benefits of the new pavilion and improved outfield are felt. These improvements should encourage more players to come forward and lead to some competition for places. At present there is no such competition and thus no commitment from a significant number of members.

This is the official version. On the other hand, it could be argued that stagnation is a good thing as it means that we are not plummeting down the league. Decent players need motivation and strong leadership. I am making strenuous efforts to persuade Arsene  to leave Arsenal and come to Ley Hill where his Gallic charm, wit and sense of humour should get everyone moving.
 

Q. How is the financial position of the club? What are the best ways to keep things healthy / improve things?

A. Thanks to the prudent management of Jon Lown things are very healthy. The bar has made a significant impact on our income and has had the glorious side effect of meaning that we don't have to do the fete anymore. This has all meant that we have been able to level the outfield. I would like to thank Paul Green for all his efforts behind the bar, and to Jon Lown for leaving the cheque book at my house for signatures. Thanks to their efforts I am writing this response from my luxury villa in the Bahamas, 'Dunlootin'.
 

Q. Now that the club has built its pavilion and levelled the outfield, what do you think should be the next priority for investment?

A. Sight screens / Chairman's executive jet
 

Q. Imagine it's now 2008. In what ways would you like to have seen the club changed?

A. It would be nice to see the Colts set up continuing to grow and thrive. By 2008 it would be nice to see a first XI that all came up through the ranks. I would also like to see us playing in a higher standard of league. It would also be nice to see more involvement by the players in off field activities like running the bar and mowing the outfield. I fear that we may continue with Jon Lown as captain of the Saturday firsts and Paul Green doing everything else.
 

Q. Who are the best and most entertaining players you have seen during your time at Ley Hill?

A. The mighty Claw, rotating Jones, the Crown Ladies six-a-side team. Best incident - Forrest nonchalantly missing a catch on the boundary and being struck clean between the eyes - you had to be there.

Q. Your cricketing career seems to have entered a quiet patch. When next can we expect to see you turning the ball square and clearing the trees at cow corner?

A. Perhaps this is the best place to exclusively reveal that I have retired from cricket and made my last ever appearance on bank holiday Monday in the President's game. The old war wound has stopped me bowling. I have gone back through my memory banks and cannot recall ever having turned the ball square except with the help of the bat.