O'Neill Speaks His MindLiam O'Neill has been a permanent fixture on the Ley Hill scene for a number of years. A graduate of Colin Bowden's famous drinking school of 1997, O'Neill has plied his potent trade of pace bowling, pinch-hitting, cheeky verbals and extreme Catholicism ever since. In his first ever interview, O'Neill reveals exactly what is on his mind - and it isn't pretty.
Do you think you have over- or under- achieved as a cricketer?
Probably the latter although Id never profess to being the most talented cricketer more a fierce competitor. I think the pursuit of glory in other activities has blighted my cricketing development notably: football, rugby, women, winkers. I don't usually play the whole season which does not help as well although I had a good season last year and have picked up lately in the Premier. Since I started working only playing on Saturday has b*llocked my batting which was never spectacular but occasionally useful when in good nick. I don't think the revelations about 'The Monger' helped me either, that took a lot out of me psychologically. Being 24 though I still feel I have time on my side to address this and maximise my cricketing impact for Ley Hill, both with bat and ball.
Are you worried about your drinking habits?
My girlfriend is, she says I have Alcoholic Tendencies. I guess it's in the Irish genes! My only worry is I can't drink enough in a big session to keep up with the likes of Julian Eagle, Graham Harrison and Kevin Phillips.
Why has the 1st XI only won one game in which you have played so far this season?
This is a difficult one as I don't think it's down to me. I think I've performed fairly well with the ball this year especially as this years Kookaburra doesn't seem to swing much at all. The reason we have lost so many games has been down more to a batting point of view, we have failed to set competitive totals in a number of games this year, maybe the other bowlers rally round more when I'm not there as well. I don't think we have adapted to the Premier League that well and certain players have been found wanting! I also think we could take a lot of pointers from other Premier sides by batting more aggressively and bowling more conservatively instead of the other way round.
Why do you not play when it is your girlfriend's birthday?
If I did I would no longer have a girlfriend and who else would have me?
What do you think about Butlins as a possible tour venue for 2005?
Not sure how much cricket could be played but I'm sure I could find other means of entertainment for the boys.
What do you think about Charlie from Chelsea Nomad?
Which one is he? The Nomads are top blokes even if they are very posh.
Why
do all your underpants have holes in?
Cos my bollocks rub on them and for easy mooning access.
Are you proud to be Irish?
What do you think? I'm honoured to wear the O'Neill name.
Who is your Ley Hill hero?
The Big Yin, I hope he returns to the Hill soon probably followed by Fat Bloke, nobody can cuss like him... Legend!
What has been your greatest achievement in your career at Ley Hill?
Promotion last year. Team achievements always usurp personal ones.
Will you see the cricket season through or will you clear off once the rugby starts?
Probably clear off, it's nothing personal I just prefer contact sports.
Why does your brother Patrick not play cricket anymore?
Neither brother plays nowadays, it's probably the burden of holding the O'Neill name - it can be suffocating at times.
Why have you lost ten yards of pace in the last few years?
Have I bollocks. I choose to bowl like this in a more controlled approach and it's served me well in the last couple of years.
When Flapper retires from the Captain's role, would you like to take over?
I would, as I think I could add a lot to the role especially considering the few good youngsters that are emerging and will be ready for 1st team cricket in the next few years. I would make a few tactical changes, some that wouldn't be entirely popular but I'm sure that would aim the team's development. It's not fair to comment on these in the middle of the season and with Jon in place as captain. That is not to knock Jon's captaincy as I feel he does a good job. I would have to make sacrifices and play the whole season and probably bowl a bit less (as it tends to fire me up, and I lose all reason) but I think I would be prepared to do this.
Do you regret quitting the Hill a few years ago to play for Chesham?
I don't regret quitting Ley Hill when I did to try and better myself although I do regret my choice of club as I do not think I developed as well as I might have else where. Taking wickets at 14 a piece in the 2s, I was still deemed not good enough to be considered for their first team which I resent still now. I would never stand in the way of a young cricketer looking to improve. I am now however focused on one thing and that is to win cricket matches for Ley Hill.
Could you turn Packet into a pace bowler?
I think id struggle to turn him into a bowler never mind inject any pace in to his action.
Who is currently the best drinker at the club?
Graham Harrison but I rate Jumbo Stewart highly.
Why have you stopped mooning on the way back from away games?
I will by all means resume this activity if someone buys a cabriolet and gives me lifts. Mooning whilst driving is extremely difficult.
How do you rate Jon Lown as a captain, batsman and bowler?
Jon is a good reactive captain and I think he has the respect of the majority of his players which is extremely important. I think he should sometimes be more proactive and draw up game plans dependent on the opposition and pitch, maybe he has been captain for too long. As a batsman, he has his role in the team and often does this well despite having a poor season this year. I don't always think Jon should be used as an opener though as he does not get us off to fast starts and when he wants to can manoeuvre good runs at the ends of innings. Jon does his bit as a bowler and I think he under utilises himself, he also never bowls himself when people are hitting out!!
Do you still hate Jordans?
I hate a lot of other teams but Jordans are the worst. They make my alcoholic Catholic blood boil. A bit like Hawridge flying the St. Georges Cross when we played them. They should be struck out of the league for religious incitement.
What is the best solution to the Ulster crisis?
In the interests of Anglo-Irish relations in Ley Hill I will decline to answer this question. Though I will add I am no fan of the views of Ian Paisley or the colour Orange.