Looser Balls throws light on mystery of Ley Hill’s crap season

REVEALED: Massive bust-up that ruined Ley Hill’s Mid Bucks chances

  • Skipper Lown could not tolerate O’Neill’s indiscipline

  • Irishman casts doubt on Lown’s batting, captaincy – and parentage

  • O’Neill may pay ultimate price: stint in Peterson’s side beckons

Looser Balls can exclusively reveal that a fatal split within the Ley Hill 1st XI was at the heart of the team’s embarrassing slide down Mid Bucks Division One. It had been thought that unfit and hungover players were to blame – but this publication can reveal otherwise.

During a rare training session, Liam O’Neill released a sensational volley of abuse at Hill bigwig Jon ‘Flapper’ Lown. The spat is the latest episode in a personal duel that has involved verbal abuse, wrestling, and the stealing of O’Neill’s pants while he was in the shower.

 

Not even from Ley Hill

Looser Balls sources confirm that O’Neill told Lown:

  • “You’re a crap bowler and a crap batsman"
     
  • “You’re not even from Ley Hill, you Aylesbury w*****”
     
  • “Stick it up your b*******!!”

     

 

 O'Neill reluctantly clutches a towel to cover his modesty

The incident occurred midway through Ley Hill’s recent dismal campaign. Lown was left with no option but to discard the temperamental Hibernian. O’Neill turned to football to keep in shape, but he dreams of a return to the Common, spiritual home of his hero Stan “ninefer” Channer.

Stint in stiffs

Flapper has made it clear that the only option open is a place in Dave Peterson’s second-string. Peterson is Ley Hill through and through, and can be heard at all local events. Crucially for O’Neill, there is also no doubt at all about the quality of his batting or bowling.