LHCC Tea Watch

All we ask for is hot tea and a decent sandwich. And maybe a few cocktail sausages. But this has been too much for many opponents to provide this season. Although there were many potential candidates for writing this article, Denis McCarthy and Will Holman in particular embody a special passion for food.
 

Downley - 30 August 2003 - 9/10
The best tea the Firsts have enjoyed this year. Exotic sandwiches, samosas, sausage rolls, chicken drumsticks, eggs, Fondant Fancies; this had the lot, and in huge quantities. Sadly this also resulted in most of our team over-eating, and consequently fielding like the Thirds. Would be awarded 10/10, but for a lack of suitable foods for Kash.

Bradenham - 23 August 2003 - 5/10
Unfortunately what could have been a memorable tea (idyllic surroundings, licensed premises) was just plain ordinary. The sandwiches, cakes, tarts and tea were… ordinary. The late arrival of cocktail onions was the ‘piece de la resistance’ and although the Angel Cake was Keith Richardson’s favourite, there was little else to inspire the writer. I’ve even given Bradenham an extra point for the provision of deck chairs and cold beer on tap!

Bovingdon - 9 August 2003 - 3/10
The Do-It-Yourself tea! Could have been an excellent idea, but as with everything associated with our most neighbourly rivals this season, it proved hard work and difficult to swallow. The French bread could have been fresher, the unimaginative choice of fillings should have been removed from their containers (especially as some of them were half-price value items!), not enough cutlery and the huge jar of pickled onions appeared more like a challenge than an offering. The main problem was the time it took to actually make your roll. With over twenty hot and hungry players waiting in line, those at the front of the queue were under a lot of pressure to hurry along. A fact plainly evident by the mess left in their wake! So Bovingdon, along with some of your players' attitudes to cricket, your teas require a re-think.

Bucks CC - 2 August 2003 - 8/10
Fearing the worst after Denis McCarthy slammed Bucks' teas earlier in the season, the First team were pleasantly surprised by the league leaders' spicy offering. Centrepiece of the feast was a large bowl of perfectly-spiced chicken biryani, let down only by the poor quality of some of the meat involved. Yoghurt nicely complemented the curry, alongside some more traditional cake fare. Bucks CC's Firsts are a hospitable lot, and their South Asian influence on the cricket tea is a welcome one.

The Lee - 5 July 2003 - 6/10
Apart  from the lack of formal seating arrangements, obviously intended to disorientate any visiting side, the presentation of ‘square cut’ sandwiches (four per round) on silver trays appeared very impressive. On closer inspection however, it was revealed that the ends of the loaves had been used to beef up the display! The rounds of cheese, (strange term really as they are invariably rectangular) although devoid of onion – Ma Green please note – had the unusual inclusion of mayonnaise (Delia doesn’t mention this combo in any of her writings!). The mugs of hot tea were good, as were the jam and apple tarts. The ‘fun size’ sausage rolls merely adequate without any Branston pickle. The Achilles Heel of this offering were the jam doughnuts. A day past their best, (an observation confirmed by Az Shakoor, LHCC’s all – things – sugary expert!), there was undoubtedly insufficient jam in these second rate offerings to take away the taste of the bitter pill of defeat for the home side.

Downley - 28 June 2003 - 7/10
An excellent tea! Plenty of first rate sandwiches; genuine Battenburg cake and French fancies; pork pies & Scotch eggs; salsa dip & fresh fruit; mugs of hot tea and juice; so why not full marks? Well, points lost for floppy, paper plates (ask Kash about embarrassing red marks on his white shirt!), inadequate seating arrangements - only the scorer’s table available (ask Humpo about embarrassing red marks in the score book!), and Downley 2^nd XI’s supporters club and their oik-some children!

Ley Hill – home games – 8/10
What can I say! Wagon Wheels; individual pork pies; Branston pickle; mugs of hot tea; choice of white or brown bread; Bakewell tarts; licensed premises; idyllic view; cheery hosts, what more can visiting teams wish for? Unfortunately, points lost for the ever-present onion in the cheese sandwiches, the plethora of tables & chairs which always seem to be in the wrong place & Ley Hill’s tribute to Logi Baird in doggedly persevering with his prototype television! 

Bucks CC – 14 June 2003 – 1/10
An unpopular venue, made worse by poor facilities and the opposition’s sparkling bonhomie. No hot water, so no tea; plastic cups; stale, ersatz, Battenburg cake & cold, soggy, onion bahjees…ugh!

Booker – 31 May 2003 – 7/10
Again, not a popular venue, but Booker get points if only because their tea is served in a pub! This provides the opportunity for certain players to replenish lost body fluids with their preferred choice of liquid refreshment and scoff bowls of peanuts. The tea’s quite good too!

Widmer End – 10 May 2003 – 10/10
Superb! Excellent sandwiches; home made cakes and scones; bone china crockery and delightful company. How the tea was at Widmer End, I’ve no idea. I took my wife away for her birthday and didn’t play!