Match Preparation Survey Results

Will Holman

The 2003 season has been Ley Hill's most successful in years, and the explanation is simple: more dedicated players. We asked our players to what extent they had gone to improve their cricketing performances. The results seem to be in direct contradiction to the famously professional Australian match preparation regime.
 

Our findings are as follows:

•   Over half of our players have "had a few beers" to aid their performances, following the warming-up schedule known as 'the Brian Puddephatt doctrine'.

•   Only one player admits to having had a night off the beers before a game.

•   In another contravention of normal sports science theory, only two of our players have either eaten salad or gone running to get into shape. Less than half of our club members deem stretching to be a necessary part of match preparation.

•   Our committed players realise that cricket is all in the mind - 54 per cent perform 'positive mental attitude' exercises to achieve maximum focus. 31 per cent still experience such nervous tension that they require an extended toilet visit before taking to the field.

•   None of our players have put a nookie ban on themselves. We understand that considerably more have had a ban imposed on them after telling their partner they would be playing cricket all weekend.

•   Around half of our players boast of extra jiggy-jiggy before matches, more than happy to 'take one for the team'. Two visitors to this site, connecting from New Zealand and Spanish computers, claim to have done so within the boundaries of the Common.